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Fw: lawyers
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Para quebrar o clima de guerra, aí vão umas piadinhas para quem entende
inglês.
Marquinhos - m.monteiro@openlink.com.br
> >> > > Recently reported in the Massachusetts
> >> > > Bar Association Lawyers Journal,the
> >> > > following are questions actually asked
> >> > > of witnesses by attorneys during trials
> >> > > and, in certain cases, the responses
> >> > > given by insightful witnesses:
> >> > >
> >> > > 1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that
> >> > > when a person dies in his sleep, he
> >> > > doesn't know about it until the next
> >> > > morning?"
> >> > >
> >> > > 2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year
> >> > > old, how old is he?"
> >> > >
> >> > > 3. "Were you present when your
> >> > > picture was taken?"
> >> > >
> >> > > 4. "Were you alone or by yourself?"
> >> > >
> >> > > 5. "Was it you or your younger
> >> > > brother who was killed in the war?"
> >> > >
> >> > > 6. "Did he kill you?"
> >> > >
> >> > > 7. "How far apart were the vehicles
> >> > > at the time of the collision?"
> >> > >
> >> > > 8. "You were there until the time you
> >> > > left, is that true?"
> >> > >
> >> > > 9. "How many times have you committed
> >> > > suicide?"
> >> > >
> >> > > 10. Q: "So the date of conception (of
> >> > > the baby) was August 8th?"
> >> > > A: "Yes."
> >> > > Q: "And what were you doing at that
> >> > > time?"
> >> > >
> >> > > 11. Q: "She had three children, right?"
> >> > > A: "Yes."
> >> > > Q: "How many were boys?"
> >> > > A: "None."
> >> > > Q: "Were there any girls?"
> >> > >
> >> > > 12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to
> >> > > the basement?"
> >> > > A: "Yes."
> >> > > Q: "And these stairs, did they go up
> >> > > also?"
> >> > >
> >> > > 13. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a
> >> > > rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't
> >> > > you?"
> >> > > A: "I went to Europe, Sir."
> >> > > Q: "And you took your new wife?"
> >> > >
> >> > > 14. Q: "How was your first marriage
> >> > > terminated?"
> >> > > A: "By death."
> >> > > Q: "And by who's death was it
> >> > > terminated?"
> >> > >
> >> > > 15. Q: "Can you describe the
> >> > > individual?"
> >> > > A: "He was about medium height and had
> >> > > a beard."
> >> > > Q: "Was this a male, or a female?"
> >> > >
> >> > > 16. Q: "Is your appearance here this
> >> > > morning due to a deposition notice
> >> > > which I sent to your attorney?"
> >> > > A: "No, this is how I dress when I go
> >> > > to work."
> >> > >
> >> > > 17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have
> >> > > you performed on dead people?"
> >> > > A: "All my autopsies are performed on
> >> > > dead people."
> >> > >
> >> > > 18. Q: "All your responses must be
> >> > > oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
> >> > > A: "Oral."
> >> > >
> >> > > 19. Q: "Do you recall the time that you
> >> > > examined the body?"
> >> > > A: "The autopsy started around 8:30
> >> > > p.m.."
> >> > > Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the
> >> > > time?"
> >> > > A: "No, he was sitting on the table
> >> > > wondering why I was doing an autopsy."
> >> > >
> >> > > 20. Q: "You were not shot in the
> >> > > fracas?"
> >> > > A: "No, I was shot midway between the
> >> > > fracas and the navel."
> >> > >
> >> > > 21. Q: "Are you qualified to give a
> >> > > urine sample?"
> >> > > A: "I have been since early
> >> > > childhood."
> >> > >
> >> > > 22. Q: "Doctor, before you performed
> >> > > the autopsy, did you check for a
> >> > > pulse?"
> >> > > A: "No."
> >> > > Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
> >> > > A: "No."
> >> > > Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
> >> > > A: "No."
> >> > > Q: "So, then it is possible that the
> >> > > patient was alive when you began the
> >> > > autopsy?"
> >> > > A: "No."
> >> > > Q: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
> >> > > A: "Because his brain was sitting on
> >> > > my desk in a jar."
> >> > > Q: "But could the patient have still
> >> > > been alive nevertheless?"
> >> > > A: "It is possible that he could have
> >> > > been alive and practicing law
> >> > > somewhere."
> >> > >
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >
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<html><head></head><BODY bgcolor=3D"#FFFFFF"><p><font size=3D2 =
color=3D"#000000" face=3D"Times New Roman">Para quebrar o clima de =
guerra, a=ED v=E3o umas piadinhas para quem entende =
ingl=EAs.<br>Marquinhos - <font =
color=3D"#0000FF"><u>m.monteiro@openlink.com.br</u><font =
color=3D"#000000"><br><br>> >> > > Recently reported in =
the Massachusetts <br>> >> > > Bar Association Lawyers =
Journal,the<br>> >> > > following are questions actually =
asked <br>> >> > > of witnesses by attorneys during =
trials <br>> >> > > and, in certain cases, the =
responses<br>> >> > > given by insightful witnesses: =
<br>> >> > ><br>> >> > > 1. =
"Now doctor, isn't it true that <br>> >> > =
> when a person dies in his sleep, he <br>> >> > > =
doesn't know about it until the next <br>> >> > > =
morning?"<br>> >> > ><br>> >> > > 2. =
"The youngest son, the twenty-year <br>> >> =
> > old, how old is he?"<br>> >> > ><br>> =
>> > > 3. "Were you present when your =
<br>> >> > > picture was taken?"<br>> >> =
> ><br>> >> > > 4. "Were you alone =
or by yourself?" <br>> >> > ><br>> >> > =
> 5. "Was it you or your younger<br>> >> =
> > brother who was killed in the war?" <br>> >> =
> ><br>> >> > > 6. "Did he kill =
you?"<br>> >> > ><br>> >> > > 7. =
"How far apart were the vehicles <br>> >> > =
> at the time of the collision?"<br>> >> > =
><br>> >> > > 8. "You were there =
until the time you <br>> >> > > left, is that =
true?"<br>> >> > ><br>> >> > > 9. =
"How many times have you committed <br>> >> =
> > suicide?"<br>> >> > ><br>> >> =
> > 10. Q: "So the date of conception =
(of <br>> >> > > the baby) was August 8th?"<br>> =
>> > > A: =
"Yes."<br>> >> > > =
Q: "And what were you doing at that =
<br>> >> > > time?"<br>> >> > =
><br>> >> > > 11. Q: "She =
had three children, right?" <br>> >> > > =
A: "Yes."<br>> >> > =
> Q: "How many were boys?" =
<br>> >> > > A: =
"None."<br>> >> > > =
Q: "Were there any girls?" =
<br>> >> > ><br>> >> > > 12. =
Q: "You say the stairs went down to =
<br>> >> > > the basement?"<br>> >> > =
> A: "Yes."<br>> >> =
> > Q: "And these stairs, did =
they go up <br>> >> > > also?"<br>> >> > =
><br>> >> > > 13. Q: "Mr. =
Slatery, you went on a <br>> >> > > rather elaborate =
honeymoon, didn't<br>> >> > > you?"<br>> >> =
> > A: "I went to Europe, =
Sir."<br>> >> > > Q: =
"And you took your new wife?" <br>> >> > =
><br>> >> > > 14. Q: "How =
was your first marriage <br>> >> > > =
terminated?"<br>> >> > > =
A: "By death."<br>> >> =
> > Q: "And by who's death was =
it <br>> >> > > terminated?"<br>> >> > =
><br>> >> > > 15. Q: "Can =
you describe the <br>> >> > > individual?"<br>> =
>> > > A: "He was about =
medium height and had <br>> >> > > a beard."<br>> =
>> > > Q: "Was this a =
male, or a female?" <br>> >> > ><br>> >> =
> > 16. Q: "Is your appearance here =
this <br>> >> > > morning due to a deposition =
notice<br>> >> > > which I sent to your =
attorney?"<br>> >> > > =
A: "No, this is how I dress when I go =
<br>> >> > > to work."<br>> >> > =
><br>> >> > > 17. Q: =
"Doctor, how many autopsies have <br>> >> > > you =
performed on dead people?"<br>> >> > > =
A: "All my autopsies are performed on =
<br>> >> > > dead people."<br>> >> > =
><br>> >> > > 18. Q: "All =
your responses must be <br>> >> > > oral, OK? What school =
did you go to?" <br>> >> > > =
A: "Oral."<br>> >> > =
><br>> >> > > 19. Q: "Do =
you recall the time that you <br>> >> > > examined the =
body?"<br>> >> > > A: =
"The autopsy started around 8:30 <br>> >> > > =
p.m.."<br>> >> > > Q: =
"And Mr. Dennington was dead at the <br>> >> > > =
time?"<br>> >> > > A: =
"No, he was sitting on the table <br>> >> > > =
wondering why I was doing an autopsy." <br>> >> > =
><br>> >> > > 20. Q: "You =
were not shot in the <br>> >> > > fracas?"<br>> =
>> > > A: "No, I was shot =
midway between the <br>> >> > > fracas and the =
navel."<br>> >> > ><br>> >> > > 21. =
Q: "Are you qualified to give a <br>> =
>> > > urine sample?"<br>> >> > > =
A: "I have been since early <br>> =
>> > > childhood."<br>> >> > ><br>> =
>> > > 22. Q: "Doctor, before =
you performed <br>> >> > > the autopsy, did you check for =
a<br>> >> > > pulse?"<br>> >> > > =
A: "No."<br>> >> > =
> Q: "Did you check for blood =
pressure?" <br>> >> > > =
A: "No."<br>> >> > =
> Q: "Did you check for =
breathing?" <br>> >> > > =
A: "No."<br>> >> > =
> Q: "So, then it is possible that =
the <br>> >> > > patient was alive when you began =
the<br>> >> > > autopsy?"<br>> >> > > =
A: "No."<br>> >> > =
> Q: "How can you be so =
sure, Doctor?" <br>> >> > > =
A: "Because his brain was sitting on =
<br>> >> > > my desk in a jar."<br>> >> =
> > Q: "But could the patient =
have still <br>> >> > > been alive =
nevertheless?"<br>> >> > > =
A: "It is possible that he could have =
<br>> >> > > been alive and practicing law<br>> =
>> > > somewhere."<br>> >> > ><br>> =
>><br>> >><br>> >><br>> ></p>
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